Friday, August 3, 2012

wedgies, potty breaks, & diet coke

  • July 2012         WARNING there may be offensive material in this post. but in all truth it is a fact of nature! Farming is not as glamorous as you may think it is. i prefer to wear shorts when i drive a tractor. especially in an open cab tractor. i do like to get sun but i am at an age when i am still hot but it comes in flashes. so being "cool" is very important to me. but i have been wearing pants because i am not always alone in the field and proper dress is required. so i am not a small girl by any means but also do not consider myself a big gal and i tend to bounce around a lot on a tractor of any kind. my feet do touch the floor but barely so i tend to bounce even more. (God bless the person... probably a woman... who invented the sports bra) any way with every bounce my jeans (dungarees as my grandaddy would say) tend to ride and no not down but up, up, and up. with every bounce i take i am headed to an epic wedgie. and i must say while my tractors are very roomy, so much so that i can practice my fine dance moves, there is not standing room... therefore no way to readjust. so i am left with this luxury until my potty break which brings me to my next story. i learned to potty in the wild at an early age. i am not bragging, it was just a necessity of life as i grew up. and it has served me well in my adulthood being a farmer because there are not always proper facilities close. and me trying to follow the strict regimen of hard work i am surrounded by i cannot take time every time i have to go to stop the tractor get in my truck and find a bathroom. most of the time this is easy because i am alone ... but there are those times i find myself in a field surrounded by more fields with other people in them. so i have adapted and learned to be quick with my catlike agility and to be oh so observant. it is all about precision. watch all the other tractors and wait until they are at the furthest end of the field from me. then i spring into action, watching all around me and especially in the direction of the one road leading into my field for that one person who thinks they need to be in my space at that particular time. most of the time i am lucky but for those times i am not it is stand up, pull up and zip up all in one move and act like i was checking a tire. :) works every time. for those of you who are all antibacterial, i do keep paper and gel on my tractor. i am practical but not gross. and without being too gross i keep it simple some things require a truck trip. enough of that TOO much info i know. as for necessities on my tractor these are my top five...5. paper and antibacterial hand wash they just go together 4. my i-pod cause sometimes you just gotta have a good beat 3. some kind of food something small i can eat with one hand while holding my drink (cause if i spill my drink i will cry!!!) steering, and lifting and lowering the apparatus that is on the back of my tractor with the other. 2. my phone i only had to leave it in my truck once to know what a huge mistake that was .. oops! and number 1. a cooler with ice cold diet coke.... nectar from the heavens it has been known to cure any ailment, quench hunger as well as thirst , and genuinely makes me a happy person. (just ask anyone who knows me- my honey keeps them in his cooler for me just in case). I LOVE FARMERS! especially mine!