Saturday, August 25, 2012

i'm a fool for a fluffer

today i finally  got the call.  pug needed me to fluff hay.  it is about dang time.  that is my favorite thing to do.  we have two fluffers and one has been broke down (!@#$%^&*?!) ... that is my happy dance because i did not tear it up... this time.  they got the new part and it has been fixed and ready to run.  i am kind of excited.  this makes me really happy because i do love to fluff some hay!  i pack my collapsable cooler.  and yes it is by the way a nascar cooler, i am not a big fan of anyone in particular.  i am still partial to Richard Petty.  he is the king, right?  i pack my diet coke,  snacks,  my i-pod and a towel.  i head to the field to await the arrival of my fluffer.  i already see the other fluffer and one of the guys has been running it all day.  i get goose bumps just thinking about it.  i hear pug coming up the road and see my fluffer.  (!@#$%^&*?!) ...happy dance again.  i am so excited this is going to be so good. (!@#$%_________  note the happy dance comes to a complete halt.  OH SNAP!!!!!! somebody has hooked my fluffer up to a different tractor.  i am  an old dog... don't like new tricks... don't like change.... this is not gonna be good.  my fluffer is hooked to a big, old, blue, closed in cab tractor.  my fluffing tractor is usually a small, blue, open cab tractor.... like the one the other guy is driving.  the green eyed monster rears his ugly head.  i like the open cab tractor to fluff because i like to feel the sun on my face and body and the wind in my hair.  i like to smell the fresh hay, not diesel fuel fumes inside the cab.  okay big deep breath.  pug rolls up and i say  "i have never fluffed with this tractor".  he says "yeah i know".  that is all i got. "yeah, i know".   evidently he does not know the attachment i have to my little blue fluffing tractor.  i can do this.  no, no, i CAN do this.  i will adapt.  i will adjust.  i will not throw down about this.  i smile and ask about gears and speed because those are important in fluffing.  he leaves and i am alone except for the huge chip on my shoulder.  i refuse to be that person so i immediately knock that sucker off and move on.  it takes me a minute to adjust gears and speed but then things seem to go okay.  i am a little excited again and my fluffing begins.  i realize that maybe this air conditioned, roomy but at the same time claustrophobic, no breeze coming in tractor may be okay.  well that feeling did not last long.  i started hitting some bumps and holes.  pretty normal in a hay field.  although i don't remember them being so rough in the little tractor.  it was kind of like hitting those concrete speed bumps in a parking lot only they are really close together.   pug has assured me that small tractors mean you feel the bumps harder but i disagree.  i truly feel the bigger the tractor the more you feel the bumps.  this is experience talking not ag mechanics.  and i am a girl... remember... we feel things differently.  so this is getting worse.  it is so bad i have to re-evaluate how i am going to do this.  finally i find something that works.  if i put a death grip on the arm rest with my right arm and steer with my left arm that seems to help.  i am not left handed but at this point hanging on is more important than steering so i need my good arm to do that.  i also find that if i cross my feet and lift just a hair it helps with the bouncing.  the seat has shocks so it bounces with the bumps and is supposed to help.  i am not so sure.  i do realize pretty quick that this is really good for the glutes, thighs, and abs.  P90X my behind... this is tractor GW900XXX.  the GW stands for gut wrenching.  the only good thing is that when i hear the cha-cha slide i really feel like i am dong it.  well, the gut wrenching, boot camp, kick your butt version.    the seat shocks that are supposed to help you bounce with the bumps remind me of a bucking bronco.  and when i hit a series of bumps i feel like a cowgirl.  and no, i do not throw my arm up cowboy style and say yee haw... but i do think about it.  i can't do it because i cannot let go with either hand.  i do however count to see how long my ride is.  thank you Jesus i did not have any 8 second rides but believe me in this beast a 4 second ride is enough to do you in.  my guts are completely scrambled.  this is the bumpiest fluffing i have ever done.  i bumped so hard one time i really think i tied my own tubes.  it was a four second ride.  these bumps are so hard that i almost bump my head on the roof and i have a good 8 inches above my head.  staying in the seat is also a challenge.  i sit on a towel because as i have said before that i don't perspire, i sweat.  and even in an air conditioned tractor.  i am bouncing so much my towel shifts with each bump.  and there is nothing worse than sweaty legs sticking to a plastic covered tractor seat.  so i am constantly re-adjusting the towel which seems to be at least every 2 minutes.  and then there is my i-pod.  i usually keep it in a pouch and set it on the ledge to my right.  well it did not stay there for 5 seconds. it was bouncing all over the place and ended up on the floor.  oh no, not my collection of favorite jams.  so i tuck it in the waist band of my shorts, where i will sweat on it and it will get yucky.  can you believe all this stuff i have to deal with.  i will need to talk to my supervisor about my working conditions.    i am not  sure i can work like this.  i fluff on or i should say i bump on.  the next field was even worse in spots.  one time i think i actually had a complete hystrectomy and an appendectomy.  all at once.  so glad my baby making days are over.  and i am so glad i remembered to wear my sports bra.  by the time we are done with that field i am suffering from a roller coaster hang over complete with headache and dizziness.  i am high from the diesel fuel fumes.  my guts are scrambled.  where else can you get 3 major surgery  procedures, a killer work-out, a buzz ---  and get paid.  this is how i roll.   i look over at the other guy and wonder if he is asked tonight what he did today he will probably say "i just fluffed hay".  how boring is that.   i complain because i am glad to be alive and able to do this.  and it adds a little humor to my day and can't we all use that now and again.  even with my complaining i am happy to be part of this crew and on days like today where i can look back and see what i have accomplished, it feels really, dang good.  and guess what ... i get to get up saturday morning and do it again.  getting the hay up means doing it while it is dry.  so i will be right back at it. bouncing, singing, and fluffing.  my sweet honey already said he would drive the big tractor, which means i get the little blue one back.  he is so good to me.  :)    and i did not even have to throw down.  farm livin' is the life for me.


  1. Kellee, this has me laughing hysterically! Last fall I was "allowed" to drive the big JD tractor and rake the hay. Lawsie mercie I thought I was gonna come slap through the roof of the tractor!

  2. I literally feel your pain! :). Kellee