Saturday, April 6, 2013

Plowgirl Up

This Florida weather is enough to make this crazy farmer lady lose the last bit of what is left of my mind. I realize that I am at “that age” and I do experience hot flashes and I have now taken that to a whole new level and also experience cold flashes.  We worked cows last week on what seemed to be the coldest day of the year.  It was so cold I could not feel my fingers.  After being cold for so long I was not taking any chances and stayed bundled up for any job that came my way. So I would start the day with three layers and by the end of the day I was down to a t-shirt.  Gotta love this Florida weather.
I had to plow one cold day and there was no heater/ac in the cab tractor.  No problem, I was layered up and knew I would not be cold. That day went okay because it was only for a few hours.  The next time I had to plow it was going to be an all day affair.  It had been cold that morning so I bundled up and went on my way.  Since I did not need the heater before I figured I would be alright.  Van had told me that after a while the sun coming through the windows would warm me up and I would not need the heater.  He commented that it would get really hot and I would probably wish I had an a/c.  I could not imagine ever being hot again after being so cold working cows  The day went on and the sun got brighter and the inside of the tractor got warmer.  I could not open a window because the field had been burned and the smoke smell was still strong and the dust from the dirt was ridiculous.  So I stated taking off layers.

I got down to what I call real clothes, which to me is long pants and a shirt with sleeves…not my usual tractor attire.  I am a shorts and tank top kind of girl.  Even when I am in a closed in cab. There was no a/c juice in the tractor because of some problem or another but there was a fan.  It did blow out air and it felt good.  Not by any means cold but not hot either…kind of warm but air is air!!  I normally don’t like the air blowing right in my face but this was an exception.  I did not care if it blew the hair off my head…this time it was blowing in my face.

Best way to describe the inside of that tractor is I felt like I was in a terrarium.  It was actually cool outside but with the sun coming through the windows it warmed it right up.   Not by any means unbearable because I could still breathe and I had the fan.
My big problem was that this one time I did not have my cooler.  I had nothing to drink…nothing to rehydrate.  So I was now faced with a huge question…do I stop long enough to go to the Raleigh store to get a drink or do I suck it up and keep working.  I did have my i-pod so I waited for my sign…… and finally Nelly busts out with “it’s getting hot in herre, so take off all your clothes”.  No Nelly, I will not take off all my clothes but I did roll my sleeves up as far as possible and tied up and tucked my shirt in the band of my sports bra.  Yes I was rocking the whole Ellie May Clampett look, all I needed was a rope belt. I was okay with that look because LM%AO sang to me that “I was sexy and I knowed it”!   And then just as I am deciding if I need to get some fluids or not, Tone Loc sings “Let’s Do It”.  So I am like yeah, okay Tone Loc , “let’s do the wild thing” and go buy a gatorade instead of a diet coke…this heat has now affected my brain. So I did just that and pretty much drank the whole gatorade before I got back to the tractor wondering why I did not buy another one or why not 5 more.  Needless to say I was better prepared the next day.  Shorts, tank top, cooler filled with water and gatorade.  That was a good day.

I once heard someone say that if you are hot enough but don’t perspire much your body will actually absorb your……. okay …….sorry to get graphic here but will absorb or use your urine to cool your body from the inside.  I thought that was crazy.  I am known affectionately as “the Pee-Queen”. When I ask to use the potty I always get the same response…”AGAIN”!!  As for perspiring……..I don’t………I SWEAT.  But in this particular kind of heat I did not sweat very much.   Just enough that the air from the fan felt kind of cool on my damp skin.   Funny how that worked it self out.  I had drank a diet coke for breakfast…yeah, yeah, I know it will kill my brain cells… you know who you are listening to :)  I had another diet coke mid morning…(just to kill the remaining brain cells), a protein drink for lunch, two bottles of water and a gatorade.  Normally that would be at least a four timer for potty breaks and maybe more…I only went once…at that was more because I just needed to feel the coolness in the air outside and to get out and walk around because my legs were both stoved up.  So it was a potty miracle…I used to tell my mama that I had kidney problems because I went so much…she always said “no you don’t have a problem or you wouldn’t go at all”.  I guess she was right. Anyway now that I have given you WTMI…way too much information about my sweat glands and bodily functions…let us move on.  It was many good days of plowing and this is what I realized…

1. Kenny Rogers is such a great singer because he can make threatening someone with death sound sexy, it’s a good thing he could not get his gun.…”Ruby, for God’s sake turn around”.   And he gets props for doing the right thing and saying no because that Lucille was just a shameless hussie.
2. If you sing “I wish it would rain” with the Temptations and do the rain dance to “Apache” by the The Sugarhill Gang…IT WILL RAIN!!!!!!

3. “I don’t know what you’ve been told but it ain’t the butterfly, it’s the tootsie roll. A brand new dance oh grab a partner and get on the dance floor…work them hips a little bit now do that dip a little bit… oh yeah you got it no ifs, ands, or buts about it”!!!!!!   ……………….that is just too dang fun to sing!!!!! sometimes I just need that kind of a moment…thanks :)

4. We all have that song on our i-pod that we hear the first few notes and say out loud NOOOOOOO! and immediately forward to the next song…but for some dumb reason we will not delete it….for me I have many but the top two are “Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy”…come on it is Big and Rich…nobody deletes a cowboy song…and the other is the only Christmas song I have on my i-pod…it is my favorite, O Holy Night.  Only it is being sung by Randy Travis…I downloaded it before most of his recent trouble and I still love Randy even though he made some bad choices, I love his voice.…so right now when it comes on I have to say No, naked Randy Travis…it is too early to start singing Christmas hymns…but you know I will be singing with naked Randy ( I will be fully clothed) right after Thanksgiving. :)

5. My high school days were really fun but the two songs that take me back to those days might make you wonder…”Another on bites the dust” by Queen and “You dropped a bomb on me” by The Gap Band. Do you REALLY  think you know the real me that well????……:)

6. well by my I-pod, I am a very well rounded person…I have songs from 31 different genres. I have to admit that even impresses me.

7.   as always, saving the best for last………I was the thorn in YOUR crown, but you love me anyway….it’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known, yes you love me anyway….Oh how you love me!  thank you Sidewalk Prophets for singing how we all feel.

I have heard many people say “I feel like I have plowed a 37 acre field”……well I HAVE….twice and I think I may have to do it again.  I love farmers!!!! especially mine!

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